Don't Explain Read online

  Don’t Explain

  By Audrey Dacey

  Text © 2012 Audrey Dacey

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover design and images © 2012 Clayton Smith

  A

  Publication

  This book is dedicated to my husband, Clay, who has been my rock, keeping me sane through all my struggles and grounded through all my successes, and to my son, Seamus, who taught me about love at first sight. I love you both forever.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Epilogue

  CHAPTER 1

  The bell at the top of the door rang, and Kyle Anderson walked in with a smile on his face. Caitlyn Murphy’s heart fell to her stomach when she saw his soft brown eyes staring back at her. Starting out with a customer right at opening was good, but since he was likely her only real customer of the day, the hours were going to drag.

  “So, this is what all the fuss is about,” he said, looking around the small building.

  “There’s fuss about this place?” Caitlyn felt a flutter in her stomach, and she bit her lip hard.

  “Well,” he stopped smiling, “I’m sure someone has made a fuss about it.”

  Caitlyn sighed. “If anyone did, it was Alexis. She’s one of the few locals who’ve stepped inside the door. Most everyone else is passing through.” Caitlyn shrugged and looked away. In the three weeks that the Fine and Mellow Cafe had been open, Caitlyn had made exactly forty-eight drinks for paying customers and sold a dozen muffins. Her only regular was her best friend, and Caitlyn wasn’t sure she should count. If Alexis Connor hadn’t insisted on paying, Caitlyn would have given her the drinks for free.

  “What can I get for you, Kyle?”

  He looked up at the chalkboard menu hanging behind the counter. “Do you do those chocolaty Frappa-thingies with the ice and coffee?”

  Caitlyn smiled when he looked back down at her. “I do, but I can’t call it a Frappa-anything. You hungry? I just pulled some muffins out of the oven.”

  Kyle pursed his lips and hummed. “Why not? Do you mind if I work in here for a while? It’s quieter than my house.”

  “Not at all. Why don’t you go sit down and I’ll bring you the drink and the muffin when I finish them.”

  Kyle nodded and then paid Caitlyn before walking to a table by a window. She was only as quick as the espresso would brew, but for her, making the drinks was like the steps of a dance. She was graceful and fluid.

  She learned everything she knew while working in a fine dining restaurant during her final year in college. She was student-teaching during the day and serving nights, so one of the best and worst things that happened to her was that she learned how to make all of her favorite drinks without the five dollar price tag. It’s when she fell in love with coffee, and it’s the only love that had lasted.

  She was startled out of her thoughts by a greeting from a familiar voice. Alexis slid behind the counter with her. “How’s business?”

  Caitlyn looked up and stared blankly at Kyle. “I’m almost at a full month of negative income. I don’t know how much longer I can hemorrhage money into this before I have to close and go back to teaching. It serves me right for opening a novelty business in a town of under 4,000 people.” Caitlyn poured the contents of a blender into a glass.

  Alexis put her hands on her waist, “Whatever. You’re being dramatic. Who doesn’t drink coffee or at least tea? It’ll pick up.”

  “And if it doesn’t, I’m 50 grand in the hole.” Caitlyn opened the little refrigerator under the counter and pulled out a whipped cream dispenser.

  “You know I could give you some money.” Caitlyn glared at her, pointing the nozzle of the dispenser at the center of her friend’s chest. Alexis raised her hands in submission. “Fine. Fine.” Caitlyn lowered the nozzle to the top of the beverage. “Need any help?”

  “You can put a doily on a small plate and a muffin on top of that.”

  “What kind of muffin?”

  Caitlyn searched her mind. “I forgot to ask.” She was really going to have to start paying attention. If she couldn’t handle one customer, she had no right to ask for more. “Will you go ask Kyle?”

  Without a word, Alexis walked over to his table.

  Alexis was beautiful. Despite the lack of single men in their small town, her athletic build, warm hazel eyes, and shiny deep brown hair turned heads as she walked down the street.

  “Blueberry,” Alexis said when she returned. Then she leaned across the counter so that she could whisper. “Have you heard about Jonathan and Becky Sampson?”

  Caitlyn had heard it at the drug store and immediately knew where her friend was going to go with it. “No. Forget it.” She shook her head vigorously. “They have been separated for a week. I am not going to go out with Jonathan.”

  “Why not?” she asked, grabbing a muffin and putting it on a plate. “He's cute for an engineer, and I fully expect him to hold on to the hair he has left for the next five years.”

  “Knock it off. He's not my type.” Caitlyn grabbed the plate and coffee, and started toward Kyle.

  “Your type doesn't exist.” Alexis said it jokingly, but both women knew that she was speaking a small truth. Alexis was man hungry. She often went to bars in a nearby town to meet men. Caitlyn didn’t bother going with her anymore. It was a waste of time, energy, and makeup.

  This only encouraged Alexis to hang around Caitlyn’s coffee shop all day to play matchmaker. She didn’t have to work because her parents left her a substantial trust, and she was free to harass Caitlyn about her lack of a love life all day, every day.

  “Here you go, Kyle,” she said as she placed the plate and glass on the table.

  He looked up from his computer at her and smiled. “Thanks.” His eyes darted over to Alexis and then back to Caitlyn. “I’m not bothering you, am I?”

  “Of course not, stay as long as you want, and let me know if you need anything else.”

  Caitlyn always imagined that Kyle, if that was even his real name, was a secret agent. The tall, muscular man with sandy blond hair always wore a dress shirts and slacks when he wasn’t on duty as a volunteer firefighter, and if she squinted and turned her head just right, he looked a lot like Daniel Craig. He hadn’t been in town for a long time, but he was an all-American man with a sweet smile and a willingness to use his strong arms. Though this was his first time in the coffee shop as a customer, he’d helped her put in a new wood stove and inspected the building for fire codes.

  When Caitlyn turned around, she saw Alexis, who was now sitting at a table, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She bit her bottom lip as she stared at Kyle seductively. As Caitlyn slid into the chair next to her friend, Alexis asked, “What do you think of Kyle?”

  “I think he's married,” Caitlyn replied. “Besides the Andersons are moving.”

  “I know.” She turned back to Caitlyn, “I was trying to think of an appropriate going away present.”

  Caitlyn watched Kyle, who hunched over and looked down at his keyboard when he saw the attention Alexis was giving him. He failed to ignore her by doing his work. Whatever that was.

  Caitlyn knew that Alexis was only teasing; she would never sleep with a married man. But she was not above unabashedly flirting wit
h anyone who struck her as interesting. Caitlyn wouldn’t even consider lusting after a married man, or really any man. If they didn’t approach her because she wasn’t sexy enough, that was their loss. She had a lot to offer, and she wasn’t going to spend her time following some guy around like a puppy until he noticed she was awesome. She’d done that in the past, and it didn’t work.

  Caitlyn could feel a draft coming in through the window and shivered. “Do you know how much Mick Kelley is charging to plow this year? I need someone to do the parking lot, and I think it’s going to snow early this year.”

  “You need someone to do a lot more than your parking lot. Take a lover. He’ll plow everything for you. For free.”

  “I’d rather pay Mick.” It’s not that she didn’t want a man, or sex—though she was fine without it. “If I gave a man sex for it, I’d almost certainly be overpaying.”

  The bell rang again, signaling that someone had entered. Caitlyn jumped up from the table and smiled. Two customers coming in so close together? The day may not be wasted yet.

  “I'll be back.” She glared at her friend. “Be good.”

  Alexis glanced up at Caitlyn, gave her a devilish smile, and then turned her attention to the new body in the room. “No promises.”

  Caitlyn rushed over to the cash register. She retied the apron strings at her waist a little tighter, and without looking up, greeted her patron in her warm, practiced tone.

  “Good morning. What can I get for you today?”

  Her eyes rose up the long torso to the blue eyes of the man standing a few feet away. He ran a hand through his hair, and his eyes became wide.

  Caitlyn's stomach flipped; she caught her breath and felt herself swaying backward slightly. In an attempt to jump herself out of this state, she voluntarily sent a shiver through her whole body. She stared helplessly into the bright blue eyes looking at her with such scrutiny she could feel her cheeks burning.

  His slightly wavy golden hair was brushed away from his rigid face, exposing the hard lines of a kneaded brow. The definition of his muscular arms and chest was visible through a navy sweater, and his broad shoulders were overwhelmingly familiar.

  “Michael?”

  This was all she could muster out of her shock. Her skin was set afire, and her palms began to sweat. She blinked a few times to take him in. To make sure that he was who she thought it was.

  His mouth twisted into a fake smile, but the wide eyes and kneaded brow remained. Caitlyn knew that he wasn’t happy to see her. Her stomach became heavy and a sickness filled her throat. She tried to say something more, but only a barely perceptible creak escaped.

  “Caitlyn,” he said. For a few moments they just looked at each other in silence.

  “Can I get you something?” she managed, trying to use the sing-song tone she used with customers, but the words tumbled out. Even she could hear the disappointment in her voice.

  Michael Fitzgerald’s gaze fell to the floor. “Coffee and a banana muffin.” His hand dove into the back pocket of his jeans for his wallet. He threw a twenty dollar bill onto the counter. “To go,” he added abruptly.

  Caitlyn took the bill and smoothed it between her fingers as she stared at it and then back up at him. She couldn't help herself, “What… I thought…” her voice trailed when she realized that she hadn't thought about Michael in a long time. “Never mind.”

  “Listen it's really great to see you Caitlyn, but I'm just passing through, and I need a quick breakfast.” His voice was shaking, he tapped the counter quickly with his thumb, and he still wouldn’t look at her. Obviously, he was lying. If there was one thing that Michael could not do properly, it was lie.

  “Right. Of course.”

  There was no use in trying to drag information out of someone who obviously didn’t want to talk to her. Caitlyn went to work, but she fumbled through the simple order because she couldn't stop looking up. Ten years had treated him well physically, but the asshole who wouldn’t even look at her wasn’t the guy she knew in college.

  Michael tapped his foot impatiently. When she placed the beverage and muffin box in front of him, he thanked her, grabbed them, and hurried out of the shop.

  Her voice trailed after him, “You're welcome.”

  Alexis rushed up to the counter. “You know him?” she asked.

  “Not anymore.”

  When Michael got outside he took a deep breath. He wondered what the chances were that he would run into someone he knew all the way across the country in the smallest town he could find. The last thing that he needed right now was an interrogation from a lost friend. Margaret had made him weak, and he didn't like people seeing him when he was weak. He slid into the Jaguar and started the engine, gripping the steering wheel hard until the knuckles on his hands turned white. After throwing the car into gear, he headed back to the motel.

  Reality wasn’t something he wanted to face yet. He wasn’t a coward. He just needed a vacation, so he jumped on the first plane out of Sacramento in hopes of going someplace to be anonymous for a few days. Apparently, this wasn’t the place.

  He decided he would pack up his things and leave for another, hopefully more anonymous, town immediately.

  The motel door clicked open, and he flicked on the light. He threw open the dresser drawers that he had recently filled and started sloppily throwing his clothes into his suitcase. He hurried around the room checking the closet and under the bed. He hadn't been there long, but it was late when he arrived, and he was tired enough then that he wasn't completely sure of where everything had ended up. After grabbing his bag of toiletries from the bathroom, he stuffed them into the overflowing bag, pushed in anything hanging over the edge, and forced the zipper closed. He lifted the bag off of the bed and turned to leave.

  The words “Fine and Mellow” printed on the paper coffee cup and muffin box sitting on the dresser stopped him. Caitlyn had been one of his closest friends in college, and while they had not spoken in several years, she was one of the few people he had ever truly trusted. Back then, she took care of him when he was sick or hung over, and until they were separated by the entirety of the United States, she knew all of his secrets. If Michael was going to run into anyone he knew, he was glad it was her. She could help him forget this mess before he went back to his life. He was always able to distract himself when Caitlyn was around.

  Michael set his bag on the bed and left the motel room without it.

  CHAPTER 2

  “Please tell me who he is.” Alexis sat on the cashier's counter watching Caitlyn as she locked the door and turned the closed sign to face the parking lot.

  Caitlyn turned and glanced at the clock above Alexis’s head. 2:08. The second hand seemed to trudge through the minute.

  “Did you hear that Mary Mueller is growing pot?” Caitlyn tried her best to distract Alexis with small town gossip. She still hadn’t recovered from the shock of seeing Michael again for the first time in ten years, and goose bumps riddled her arms with the mention or passing thought of him. Distracted was what Caitlyn needed.

  “Seriously?” Alexis didn’t take the bait, she was questioning Caitlyn’s poor attempt at avoiding her plea not Mary Mueller’s extracurricular activities.

  “Really. The Romano’s’ dog dug up her chrysanthemums, and Rebecca said that she saw the marijuana growing right next to the flowers. She thinks it’s for her cataracts.”

  “Who is he?”

  Caitlyn sighed. She had to respond, or Alexis would keep her up all night until she was satisfied with the answers—fabricated or otherwise. As it was, Alexis had been glaring at her since Michael left the shop, and she looked like she was going to explode with curiosity. She had to know exactly who this stranger was and what his connection was to Caitlyn, and Caitlyn knew it. She was impressed that Alexis had waited so long to ask.

  “Michael Fitzgerald.”

  “I don’t care about his name. I want to know who he is.”

  “We lived in the same dorm at the U of
A.”

  “He's gorgeous. Please tell me that you slept with him a least once.”

  Most of the time Alexis’s forthrightness and honesty was refreshing to Caitlyn. Today was an exception.

  “No. We were really good friends. That’s all. I wasn’t really his type.”

  Alexis shook her head in disappointment.

  “I don’t get it. If you guys were really good friends, why did he leave so quickly?”

  Caitlyn grabbed a broom that was leaning against the wall, trying to figure out the answer.

  “Honestly, I have no idea. We were really close all through college. We met freshman year. Studied together. Took some classes together. He was my best friend for those four years. The last time I saw Michael we had lunch, hugged, and said goodbye.”

  Caitlyn paused and tried to remember what she could have done that would make him so cold toward her, but she couldn’t think of any reason he would act that way.

  “In fact, he wanted me to move to California with him, near his med school. Of course I said no. I had to get back here after my father died to be at least sort of close to my mother. And you know how I feel about cities.”

  Alexis rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. They’re overcrowded and overrated.”

  “Something like that.”

  Caitlyn sneered at her friend and then returned to her sweeping. Caitlyn had longed for the East coast and a small town after college. The university had made her numb to other people, and the state of Arizona was like some sort of hell on Earth. It wasn’t so bad the first couple of years, but by the spring semester of her junior year, she was ready to go home. She convinced herself to just put her head down and get it over with.

  The East was her home, so she had imagined that she would immediately be comforted by the humidity and seasons, but she had been disillusioned by the distance and found there was even less privacy in a small, gossiping community. It was better, though. At least here, she wasn’t surrounded by a group of strangers wherever she went.

  She looked out the window of the front door. She wondered how the world could look so peaceful here when she knew how chaotic it could be elsewhere. Even if she did decide to close the coffee shop and do something else, she wouldn’t give up her small town life.